I had the privilege to attend the recent Masquerade Faire, hosted by the Trader’s Consortium working alongside the Tavern Troupe and the Locksmith Union. With the hard work put forth by these esteemed groups representing their various trades I expected a wonder of diversity and nobility, class and refinement. While I did experience those to some degree I also feel it is my duty as a journalist, a man of noble birth and a connoisseur of all things fine in life to give my expert critique of this gala. This gay festivity, full of exuberant and jovial youth, was charming and yet debasing. Allow me to explain why.
I found the food and provisions to be delightful. Truly, the Trader’s Consortium outdid itself by delivering only the finest of morsels. From morels to mussels, lobster to sweet liqueurs, there was a smorgasbord of cuisine for every taste. Unfortunately, to my dismay and disgust I saw flocks of people stuffing these fine items into bags to cart home with them. Starving peasants, no doubt, packing the finely imported delicacies of the Trader’s Consortium event to take home to their starving families. Truly a sad sight, as I pity their poverty, and yet simultaneously revolting.
Also revolting were the peasants themselves. Unfortunately with an event this large in scope some of the riff-raff will slip in. However, I believe the strictest measures should be taken to keep the unworthy away from those of us with refinement, taste, and pure blood. I found myself literally bumping against smelly urchins, working men, members of the middle class and others I will not even mention. The crowded conditions even forced the throng of bodies to press in on me, forcing the unwashed frames of greasy, lice-ridden beggars to smear against my newly-cleaned tailored longcoat. Because of this my coat had to be taken to be cleaned immediately after I left. And frankly I have a difficult time understanding the garbled Gnomish of my cleaner. Foreigners – they need to learn to speak Common or go back where they came from. But I digress.
Despite being forced to mix with the peasants I found many of the events hosted by the Trader’s Consortium to be splendid. The auction especially as it helped to ensure that those with no money would wait outside where they belonged. I do love to see the exchange of goods for hard coin; those whose noble families have amassed wealth deserve nothing but the best. Unfortunately, I saw many low-value items being auctioned off as well, diluting what could have been not merely splendid but extraordinary. In the future I would recommend having the attendants, perhaps even bodyguards, keep those from the lower classes outside. Perhaps they could have their own separate auction all together. In fact, a separate establishment and party for those from the lower classes would have been even better! I think this would provide a fair and equal solution to the problem of mixing with undesirables.
A final word of note that disturbed me more than anything was the veiled propaganda of the Trader’s Consortium. Yes, they did a very good job at concealing it. Nonetheless, for those of us who are politically astute it was glaring in our faces. It is widely known that the Trader’s Consortium is largely controlled by a cabal of Prydaen bankers – the same Prydaen bankers who have infiltrated the Barony and the government of Shard. The same banking cabal responsible for the bombing of the
I believe that, overall, the Masquerade Faire was a positive event. However, for future events we must all be especially vigilant in protecting it from the evils of society. We must protect our gatherings from improper class and racial mixing. And we must protect our gatherings from the veiled propaganda of Prydaen bankers. This, my friends, we must do for our children and our women. We must do this for the